Three Things I Wish I Knew Before Having a Baby

Part 1: A Wrecked Birth Plan

I am a strong believer that Mother Nature knows best. My entire birth plan was written keeping that as the main goal. I’d go into labor naturally and head to the hospital with my husband. Then I’d push a couple times, my husband would cut the cord, and the doctor would lay my baby on the chest. I explicitly asked for no epidural, no water breaking, no injections, or induction of any kind to help me cope with labor. Long story short, I had exactly the opposite of what I had written in my birth plan. After being in labor for over twelve hours with no epidural, I had to ask my ob-gyn to break my water to help me with dilation as I “stalled” at 6cm for the past four hours. For those who are new to this, a cervix, the lowest portion of the uterus, needs to fully dilate 10 cm to accommodate the passage of the baby’s head into the vagina.

Breaking water did help me with dilation, but rather made the contractions grow even stronger. I always used to wonder how would I know that I am having contractions or my labor started. Well, let me tell you, contractions felt to me like bad (period cramps)^5. While most women feel pain locally either in their back or abdomen, I was feeling full-body waves.  They were gradually increasing in their intensity reaching its peak in 10 seconds that would leave me breathless and in tears. These waves would then subside 30-40 seconds later and come back again with a vengeance in five minutes. Every wave left me feeling more and more tired.

After 16 hours of labor, I felt defeated and begged for an epidural. The epidural allowed me to get 2 hours of sleep and reach full dilation. My ob-gyn told me that now was the time to start pushing the baby out once the contractions start. But epidural left me numb and significantly decreased the frequency of my contractions. I had to deviate from my birth plan again and agree to get Pitocin to accelerate my contractions. I pushed as hard as I could for two hours but nothing happened.

It was now time for a c-section.

I was shocked. I protested, I wanted a vaginal delivery!

As I was wheeled into the operations room I kept thinking everyone in my family had a vaginal delivery, why can't I do this?! I wanted to keep trying but the time was against me. It would have been more than 12 hours since my water broke which would put a baby at high risk for infection.

I wanted a healthy baby, so I agreed to a C-section. 

I was lying wide awake with no control of my body from the ribs down due to anesthesia. I wanted to move my legs and escape from this incision but couldn't. All I could think of were scenes from the fish market where they gut fish right in front of you. My obgyn made a small cut on my stomach and asked if I felt anything. I shook my head. She proceeded and warned me that there would be a lot of pressure.  I could feel her tug the baby free because baby curled up near my rib cage. Finally, I heard a loud cry, my baby was lifted and taken immediately for her measurements. I couldn't hold her for another 20 minutes as doctors were literally putting my insides back together before stitching me up.

Despite how common C-sections have become, C-sections are rarely talked about or portrayed by Hollywood. I had so many misconceptions about C-sections, primarily viewing it as an “easy way out” and tortured myself postpartum for it. I felt almost betrayed by my body.

I had a perfect pregnancy.

I worked out every day.

I was diligent about taking my prenatal.

I tried to ensure that whatever it is I am eating, be it a meal or snack, its nutritional value outweighed any other desires.

How did this happen to me?

C-­section felt like I had failed and was not up for the task of birthing my child naturally. It took me weeks to realize that becoming a mother is something to celebrate even when it leaves a scar. After all, I fought a battle with life, and I won this time.